/ fiction

Drunken Santas, birth's gone horribly, conveniently wrong, and fish death. Yep, you've found a great new source for bedtime stories. More to come.

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Location: Sacramento, California, United States

Sea Monkey devotee since childhood.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Valentines Day

When I was a kid my dad decided to surprise my mom for Valentine's day by dressing up as Cupid and crawling down the chimney. Somewhere along the way he must have gotten stuck and died.

We just assumed he was off on another of his Amway selling binges and we figured he'd be back when he ran out of product.

Then things began to smell. Mom decided a nice fire would help cover the mysterious odor that had overtaken our home and she was right. Years of Amway aftershave, shower-gel, body cream, and the like had left my old man so marinated that fast food drive-ins were packed for miles around as the delicious scent of his flame grilled corpse reached motorist and started them salivating.

When his charred remains were finally discovered and removed all that was left to ID the body were his teeth and the little heart shaped arrowheads that were a part of his costume (in fact add a set of wings and they were his costume.) I took a job at Country Burger despite having gone vegetarian after hungering for my burning father. I had to help pay off the huge Amway debt so that we didn't lose our house. I've hated Valentine's day ever since!

With apologies to Gremlins (and Gremlins 2)